I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
There's even glitter on my cock...
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize