I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
