i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
