Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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