whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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