How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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