maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
