Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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