if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
