Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
