Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
