Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
did you just send me my own nude
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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