Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
