oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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