At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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