Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
