I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize