Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
