But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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