you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
