my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
