dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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