i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
