He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize