i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
