I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
