i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
