Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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