he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
