brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Randomize
