I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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