Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
