another moral hangover. fuck.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize