Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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