Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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