Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Is Oprah even human
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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