Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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