I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
