While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
