Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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