life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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