I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
