dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I wear drunk well.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
