Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Randomize