It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
this will be a night to untag.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize