dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
