She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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