Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
