Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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