That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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