and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
