I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
