She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
