Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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