You smell like a Billy Joel song
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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