so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
