he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
