the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
