at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
