we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize