I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
