Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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