i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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