I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
