You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Randomize
