dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
