i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
