cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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