How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
