ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
