id be glad to
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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